Perfectionism Therapy
Therapy for Perfectionism
Individuals seeking therapy for maladaptive perfectionism often struggle in one of the following areas: ​
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They are unsure if perfectionism is preventing them from leveling up or if it is overworking them.
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They are aware that their perfectionism is causing them personal and professional difficulties, but they are unaware of how to overcome it.
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Their perfectionism has caused them significant burnout and has potentially led to a physical or psychological diagnosis that inhibits their ability to function.
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A significant life event has amplified their perfectionism, and they are unsure how to manage this new experience and the incredibly loud and harsh inner critic that has come with it.
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Regardless of the presentation, it is no longer sustainable.​
Societal View of Perfectionism
Society views a perfectionist as an individual who is organized and “has it all figured out.” In reality, perfectionists spend a lot of time trying to meet personal expectations and goals they construct and do not feel a sense of accomplishment with “good enough.”
Perfectionists constantly strive to be better and get frustrated and overwhelmed when things don’t work out as they planned.
Perfectionism also extends into other categories, such as people-pleasing, self-sabotage, difficulties with boundaries, burnout, imposter syndrome, and high-functioning anxiety.
When you try to rest, the to-do list starts scrolling in your mind. As you lay with your eyes closed, the back of your eyelids scroll through everything you must do when you’re done resting.
Your self-care keeps falling to the bottom of the list. Maybe you've also been engaged in negative coping that has set you back further.
You know you want to change, but you're unsure how. You don't want to be selfish, but this isn't working anymore. You're getting burnt out.
It's time to try another way.
Understanding Perfectionism in High Achievers
You have been able to manage a lot. You are a high achiever, and you capitalize on your time. But your energy is low because there hasn't been much time for you to stop.
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Maybe you don't even know what "stopping" looks like.
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Your friends tell you that you do a lot, but they don't fully understand. Your family also sees it, but they do not know how to help and often keep asking for more.
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We support high achievers and perfectionists through a client-centered and focused approach that compassionately calls out overworking and over-functioning because commending you on overdoing doesn’t help you find the balance that you're seeking.
What is Perfectionism?
The American Psychological Association (APA) defines perfectionism as “the tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, in excess of what is required by the situation. It is associated with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other mental health problems.”
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Perfectionism can manifest itself differently from person to person and is often misunderstood or overlooked by clinical providers. This is why it’s important you find a therapist who specializes in perfectionism and working with high achievers.
Perfectionism exists through the maintenance of cognitive distortions (distorted thoughts/thinking) and the long-term experience of having a negative or hostile internal narrative (or Inner Critic).
3 Domains of Perfectionism
Research has found that perfectionism is most clearly understood from one of three categories: self-oriented, other-oriented, or socially prescribed.
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Self-oriented perfectionism is developed through the individual setting perpetually high standards of oneself. This may develop in early childhood and may exist as part of the individual’s personality. These individuals have an inability to accept their own mistakes and faults and relentlessly try to prevent mistakes at whatever cost. They also maintain unrealistically high standards of themselves. When combined with negative life events, this type of perfectionism may lead to depression, anxiety, or PTSD.
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Other-oriented perfectionism is the individual's requirement to maintain incredibly high standards and expectations of others. This is where internal perfectionism projects onto others and attempts to have others exist within the rules and regulations that the person sees fit. These individuals often struggle with delegating, have difficulties in relationships, may experience increased anger and irritability, and often fear being disappointed or let down.
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Socially-prescribed perfectionism assumes that others have expectations of you that are incredibly hard to meet. They often believe that in order to gain acceptance and approval of others, these expectations must be met. This is increasingly more common with the advances in social media and an individual's constant self-comparing to the highlights and achievements of others. These individuals often struggle with social anxiety, confidence, and depression.
The Root Cause of Perfectionism
Perfectionism may develop through a variety of root causes.
Research has found that one of the most apparent causes of perfectionism is the parenting style of caregivers during early development. This is one of the primary ways that you begin to create, hear, and identify with the internal narrative (Inner Critic). If there is constant and intense pressure to always do things perfectly, or the inability to impress or receive praise from our caregivers, this may lead to the adult experiencing ongoing and intense perfectionism.
Perfectionism may also develop after experiencing a significant life-altering event or trauma. The desire to maintain control over all situations is accompanied by a fear that if control is lost then the worst may happen. This often outwardly appears as though the individual is constantly prepared and well-adjusted. But this individual may struggle with perfectionism and lacks the ability to be vulnerable and authentic with others. It often creates disruptions with connection and feeling supported. If this individual shows up imperfectly, they feel they won’t be accepted.
Society’s standards and expectations are also an incredibly common root of perfectionism that most individuals can identify with. Societal demands put intense requirements and expectations on us as a whole. Think of the ways in which advertising and media portrays the ideal body type or perfect family. As mentioned, social media and self-comparison often heighten these expectations.
"We begin to shift away from perfectionism when we begin to realize that it is not our job to control the perceptions and perspectives of others."
Signs of Perfectionism
Perfectionism manifests itself in ways that can often be mistaken for simple daily stress. But it is so much more than that. If you or someone you know is experiencing some or all of the following symptoms, consider surfacing these with your therapist.
Physical
Physical Symptoms of Perfectionism:
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Fatigue
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Headache
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Muscle tension
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Insomnia
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Stomach issues
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Low energy
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TMJ
Emotional
Emotional Symptoms of Perfectionism:
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Anxiety / Worry
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Depression
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Frustration
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Sadness
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Guilt
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Fear of failure
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Intense feelings of shame
Behavioral
Behavioral Symptoms of Perfectionism:
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Procrastination
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Overworking
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Avoidance
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Difficulty delegating
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Rigidity
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Intense overthinking
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Limited self-care
How to Overcome Perfectionism
With HGW, you have access to various approaches to help you overcome your perfectionism. As specialists in treating perfectionism through therapy, we are trained in a variety of leading treatment approaches.
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We work to find clarity for you and your needs so boundaries are not blurred, and you can begin putting yourself as a priority. This includes taking a good look at the anxiety, trauma, depression, and frustration you are experiencing while also creating positive changes in your life so that you can meet your goals. We utilize a solution-focused and mindful approach to get you to Higher Ground and keep you there.
Benefits of Online Therapy for Perfectionism & High Achievers
For an individual struggling with perfectionism, online therapy is incredibly beneficial.
Here’s why:
Convenience
Access to Specialized Therapists who Understand
Comfort and Privacy
Accessibility
Flexibility for Busy Schedules
Focused time
How to Find the Right Online Therapist
When weighing your options in selecting a therapist (especially an online therapist), there is a lot to consider. The most common factors are insurance coverage, experience and specialization, success stories, rapport, and overall therapeutic style.
The most important factor to success with your therapy? Finding a therapist you feel comfortable talking to about these tough topics and who understands where you’re coming from.
The best way to determine this is through a free consultation.
Seeking therapy for perfectionism is a crucial step towards reclaiming your well-being and leading a more fulfilling life. Don’t wait—take the first step today.
Contact us to book a consultation or learn more about our approach.
